Doubt is a thief.
It takes our hopes, dreams, desires, and turns them into fear. And fear is paralyzing.
But what if you STOPPED doubting? What if you looked doubt in the face and crushed it? What if you said, “I CAN” instead of “I can’t.” What if you said, “I am doing it anyways?”
I have never done goodbyes well. Ever. And I certainly didn’t do this goodbye without tears.
I’m a feelings person. Always have been. And living this experience rocked my world to the core in such an incredible way.
Today was our last full day together with our group. That day we headed to a HUUUUUGE shopping market, which I regretfully did not take a lot of pictures. We did a lot of shopping, but I did not adequately document this location. And it was IMPRESSIVE in size and the quantity of stuff.
The day finally came for our Consulate Appointment. Unfortunately, cell phones are confiscated at security, so the only picture I have is outside the building.
Inside, we took oaths and also met with a U.S. Consulate Officer who went over our formal documents. These documents would make it so our son would become a U.S. Citizen the moment we touched down on U.S. soil.
Adoption. It is such a life altering experience truly difficult to put into words. Adoption is beauty through tragedy. Redemption through abandonment. It will strip every emotion you have and bring it to the surface. It is an experience I am so grateful to have walked. And grateful to have experienced with these incredible families.
For decades, adoptions were finalized in China on Shamian Island. The U.S. Consulate office use to be here and thousands upon thousands of families have walked these streets with their new children in hand. And while the U.S. Consulate has since moved, adoption groups still return to this historic place.
After touring the orphanage on November 16th, we took our first flight with Tristan from Shanghai to Guangzhou , where the U.S. Consulate is.
The flight was itself was smooth. However, the sitting on the tarmac with a screaming 2 year old at nap time wasn’t so much on the smooth side. This was the first time I cried after having Tristan with us. And my sweet first sitting next to me just put her hand on my arm and said, “It’s okay, Mom.” Bless her.
How do you adequately put into words the experience of walking through an orphanage? The emotions that are running through your head. The thoughts that are consuming you.
For 2 years this was my son’s world… And 2 years is short compared to the many children who are still waiting. But let me tell you - 2 years is TOO long.
Our second night was rough.
You know the statement, “don’t wake a sleeping bear”? Yeah - well, I accidentally did. I wasn’t sure if Tristan’s diaper was full or if he had pooped and I tried to change it… In the middle of the night.
Our first night together went better than I expected. I put Tristan to sleep in the carrier and then gently laid him down in my bed. He slept on my chest for much of the night, with his head over my heart.
Today was the day.
We woke up early that morning. Partially from our internal clocks and also from excitement and anticipation.
Before heading to breakfast, Jerry and I gave Brooklynn a card we had written for her. Today wasn’t just a huge day for Jerry, myself, and Tristan. It was a monumental moment for Brooklynn. Her world as an only child for 8 years, was about to drastically change. But one thing I observed throughout our entire adoption process was her consistent excitement. She never once suggested we do otherwise. So this moment right here. These moments before we left our hotel to welcome Tristan into our family were huge.
I absolutely LOOOOVED Shanghai and wish our time there had been longer. I wish we had had more time to explore the city my son was born in and is from. The time we did spend there, I absolutely cherished and look forward to going back with Tristan!
November 11, 2017
While we continued our tour of Beijing and the Great Wall of China, my son was celebrating his 2nd and LAST birthday as an orphan. (Today, November 11, 2018 ~ We celebrate his THIRD birthday TOGETHER!)
Our day started super early. After a decent first night sleep, we headed downstairs to the hotel dining room for breakfast where we re-connected with all of the families touring in Beijing. For months prior we had all been communicating via Facebook as we discovered who would be traveling together. It was so great to meet everyone in person and connect.
November 9, 2017
WELCOME TO CHINA!
Landing in China was surreal. At first I thought it was super foggy outside… Then quickly realized, that wasn’t fog, but smog. We also arrived in China while President Trump was visiting and saw Air Force One on the tarmac, which was pretty cool! China had even worked on “cleaning up” their air for Trump’s visit. So it was nice to actually see blue sky on some of the days we were in Beijing.
The day felt surreal. Our bags were packed. Our house in order. And our journey about to begin.
My dear friend Tracy drove us to the airport that day and my heart and emotions were so raw. God had worked amazing miracles to get us on that plane. And here we were, standing out in front of the Sea-Tac Airport preparing to board a 13 hour flight to China.
A year ago today my sweet family of 3 was zipping up our suitcases preparing to travel thousands of miles to become a family of 4. We had spent the last 13 months preparing for this day. Countless hours, prayers, miracles answered, now had us less than 24-hours before we would bored our airplane and begin our travels east. Destination - China.
I have noticed now, more than ever, that our conversations and my time with her are and must be filled with intentional investment. She is watching, gleaning, and mimicking my every move. She is watching how I communicate, respond, interact with, and treat the world and relationships around me.
It has been almost a year that Tristan has been home. I can’t believe how quickly the time has gone by and how much has changed over this past year for Tristan as well as our family. God has richly blessed us beyond our imaginations over this last year that only He can receive all the glory.
